I figured that I would start posting some real blogs on here as well as what has been going on with the contests and the channel over time. I thought it would be a good way for anyone out there to get to know me a little better, as I would like to share my life with you as you guys are really there for me when I need you to be. So some of the things you may read may be things you don't want to know, or things you may not agree with but it is me and I want to be truthful to you all. I would like to start a side channel off of YouTube where people can ask questions and I can answer them for another way for all of you to get to know me. and where I may not be able to go into lengthy details on there I can always return back to here and talk more on a topic. Some things I will keep private in my life but as time goes on depending on how people react to this post I may write more.

So with all of that being said lets talk a little about today. I had doctors appointments today, two of them and while one of them I am not ready to talk about openly one I am fine with talking about even though it was bad news... well possible something that will turn into bad news. I had to go back to my "Female Doctor", OBGYN, for the results of a biopsy that was done earlier in the month. Rewinding a little bit I was all ready on edge with this visit and sick to my stomach, the "BIG C" is common in my family. Last night I had even had a dream about going in and talking to the doctor and her telling me that the results came back and that it was cancer. So when she comes in and she doesn't have a smile on her face I get a slight bit worried, and then when you hear the dreaded "Okay we need to talk." from anyone you know it is bad news. Immediately I begin crying and she is handing me a box of tissues and I am freaking out. My mind starts racing because my mother was also at a doctors appointment in a different place because it was a check up from when she had cancer early on in life. The doctor calms me down and finally says "It's not cancer, yet." It may have been only a few moments but it felt like a lifetime for her to talk again, and then only took seconds for my brain to click that she said "yet". So I can't remember exactly what she said it was called but it had the words "atypia hyperplasia" in it. I have to take more pills and I will have to have a surgery done in the near future. My only thing I have ever really wanted in life may never become possible, have a child. What ever this is if it does become cancer I will not be able to have children, and even if it doesn't I have to get permission basically from a specialist if I can even try after the surgery I have one and they get more information from a better sample I guess.

Even if everything comes back okay I will never be able to have a child "the old fashion way" I will have to have IVF done to even have a chance. In the long run a chance is a chance but my insurance doesn't cover IVF and I don't think I would ever be able to come up with the kind of money that it takes to cover that. It can run from $5,000 - $10,000 I have read, I just saw the closest fertility doctor has Discounted IVF like it is a sale or something right now... IVF Cycle for the low cost of

$6,200; $3,100 down, $258.33/month for 12 months (interest free).

Then there is more money I guess... it says...

*Please Note the Following regarding our Discounted IVF: Included: IV Conscious Sedation, Oocyte Retrieval, Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI), Assisted Hatching, Embryo Transfer, and Cryopreservation of Surplus Embryos. Storage of frozen embryos and frozen embryo transfers for a period of one year following the fresh IVF cycle. Excluded: Medications and Monitoring. Monitoring is $750 each cycle if no insurance coverage available. Monitoring begins at baseline and continue until retrieval of eggs or possible cancellation of cycle.

I don't think I will ever be able to have a baby...